Giving Thanks To Past Lovers
This post is written out of respect.
We rarely thank those we’ve loved. Negative emotions often surround messy breakups, causing us to lose appreciation for what we learned with our lovers while they shared our lives. This time, I’d like to pay some positive homage to those who helped me improve.
Nikita: I have fond memories of us laughing at the stupid things. Much of what we laughed at back then still makes me smile. What you gave me was playfulness. We had fun. You encouraged the quirky side of sex at every chance. Our bodies synchronised so well. Forty years and many lovers later, I can honestly say how similar we were. Thanks for your light-heartedness. I drew from that and incorporated it into my life after we ended. Thank you.
I also learned that no matter how great the sex is, it doesn’t guarantee good love for life. We may have been perfect between the sheets, but there was so little for us outside them. And that’s okay. We were so young. I’m so sorry I didn’t let go of you when you needed me to. Inexperience blinded me. Inexperience is okay, too.
Nadine: Friendship and mutual empathy were important to you. Talking and planning were your special things. You showed me that diving into sex too soon can devour a friendship, destroying the parts of a couple that are meant to hold them together through thick and thin. That kind of sensible levelheadedness is your strength. I drew beautiful energy from that and even embraced some of it for myself after we parted.
You are the one who also introduced me to the term asexuality — a word that was unfamiliar to me. I have taken what I learned about it onboard. Thank you.
Angela: You proved that some mothers rediscover their inner woman after their children have grown. You had a certain hunger the others never had. What you gave to me was incredibly raw. Thanks for bringing that insatiable creature to me. You’re all woman, every wonderful bit of you. I’m so grateful to have been invited into your lustful world. Angela. You were a blessing.
Lana: A year-long part-time threesome with your husband. At first, I couldn’t figure out why you asked me, but I soon understood. I thought the premature thing was a product of female exaggeration until I saw it happening with your man. I get it now. I really get it. You needed more. I’m in awe of you two for breaking boundaries.
Good on you. That took real courage. You proved that love and sex can be reworked to include an outsider without affecting the marriage. I may use that for myself later. Thank you.
There were other lovers, but the ones I’ve opened up about here stood out the most. They represent four significantly different times with unique sexual interactions. I have no regrets or shame. Besides, a life well-lived crosses many roads. There’s nothing wrong with that. I feel privileged to have met some great lovers while crossing from one side of the road to the other.
Everyone is happy. Life continued. The stars didn’t explode.
Give thanks to your past lovers. Smile and let go of any lingering negativity. Love is a journey, not a destination.
Originally published at https://michaelformanwriting.com on April 20, 2024.