Great Tips For Serial Killers
Are you a serial killer or thinking about becoming a serial killer sometime soon? Here are some helpful hints to do it right and keep your anxieties low after you commit a murder.
Police. They are cunning. They call their kind of evil forensics. Never has there been a time when science has been so cruel to our kind. What should be a simple pedestrian-styled-kill will turn into a major investigation fast. Scrapings from underneath a corpse’s nails will reveal a perpetrator in no time. The next thing you know, you’re having to book on a plane to Mexico because some science geek has solved the case and police are hot on the trail. Fuck that! Why can’t they just leave us the hell alone to live out our lives? We are people too y’know!
Everyone asks me the same thing: Mitchell, is there a way to dodge DNA science and avoid going to jail?
Let me answer this question with a simple few words: If your favourite pastime is bumping people off, you’re probably going to get caught one of two ways. Someone witnessed you in the act, or they found solid DNA evidence. If it’s the first reason, then you’re a moron. No good serial killer is supposed to be witnessed doing anything. We are meant to be nobodies in a sea of ordinary. If you get caught this way, then you deserve to go to jail. DNA, on the other hand, is a different thing. That’s a legitimate concern because it is so hard to cover up.
You see, we carry these miniscule particles in our hair, on our skin, blood, spit and secretions. It floats off us and goes everywhere, all the time, including over our victims. You can’t see it, but it’s there. A science nerd will find those particles and then analyses them up close. And how can we stop this from happening?
Why not just pour bleach, wipe down, burn and bury the stuff we touch?
Sure, but that’s hard work — and it only takes a single skin cell to escape the cleaning process to return guilt to the guilty. Let me show you one killer technique I’ve always used that has guaranteed me immunity for so many years.
First, forget covering up your DNA trail. It’s impossible to get rid of it all. I’ve never bothered with it. It’s too hard to manage. I say, go ahead and spread your joy liberally, but remember the basics, always.
There’s an important third tip that completes this unholy trinity, but I’ll get to that in a second.
I believe that it’s totally okay to be a vicious monster, and I support you. It’s who you are. Nobody can change that. It’s not fair to be judged unfairly just because we found our true calling and exercise our right to be ourselves. That’s called discrimination if it were anything else. You can be transsexual, demand equality and get it. But if you’re an evil, psychopathic, serial killer, everyone still wants you arrested and taken off the streets. We’re serial killers, not fucking sideshow freaks. Let us be!
Sadly, equality and understanding is still only for a privileged few.
So it’s back into the closet for us. Don’t ask, don’t tell. Go kill, but do it on the down low. We’re left to hide in seedy back-alleys and darkened alcoves to express those cravings. I don’t like it, but that’s what we have to do.
The final serial tip
What’s that one extra thing to include into your routine to protect you from the police?
As I mentioned, we can’t do much about DNA science. It’s here to stay, and it’ll only get better in the future. So let’s get past the DNA itself. It’s all about the connection between your DNA profile and the profile of a perpetrator. If there’s no link between these two, there’s no perpetrator or suspect to investigate. Without a connection, the investigation stalls. So let them sequence the miniscule particles found on a body, just don’t let them make the all-important link to the miniscule particles on you.
How?
Patience. Practice. A clean slate. If someone makes you angry, don’t reach out and immediately kill them. Take a deep breath, refocus, and, when you’ve had time to contain your emotion, funnel that anger into a random individual instead. You’ll get a similar thrill without the DNA heartache that follows it.
Random is the key
Essentially, most psychos are born impulsive. We’re so self-absorbed that we forget ourselves. We develop patterns and people associations, and that has to stop happening. Without some self-control, our evil side is exposed at the wrong time and place. This is a dangerous thing. It’ll get us caught.
The secret to avoiding this is to control our psychopathic tendencies right from the start of our killing journeys (Newbies, this is for you). Reactive behaviour only lets others know what we’re thinking when we’re thinking it. It’s counterproductive to show our fury at this point. It’s better to smile, hold back the rising emotion, and wait for another time. Behaviour modification is the real key. Delaying and redirecting our kills into random victims confuses investigators. Without a DNA profile on record, DNA sequencing is of no help to them. There’s no link between crime and a criminal. You’re free to be who you are and explore your special gift.
I explored mine last night. I did one on a beach.
She was a sweet redhead. It was like seeing a throwback to the fifties era — wearing a cute skirt from the period and a fake beauty spot on her face. Nice. I like the fifties. Fifties girls look so feminine and pretty.
We met for sex — consensual, of course. That’s always the deal. Just as the storm exploded above us, so did I, and then I squeezed her neck, waiting for her fight to fade. It was a deliciously exquisite ending, the best yet. Her profile said she was an empowered woman and independent. I could see that she had something to prove. Nice. Those ones take chances and like to keep secrets from friends. That’s what made her so attractive, that and her fake beauty spot.
Having sniper-like patience helps a great deal too. I’d watched her for months without saying a word. My anger had matured well. I was aching to crush an ivory-white throat just like hers, and she had one of those to crush. I also wanted to see a beautiful face above it turn wild at the point when it knew its life was coming to an end. That’s the best part of all. I can’t get enough of that look of desperation. Yummy.
She was my sixth delicious meal. I’m already stalking my seventh and eighth. Both are blondes — each a cheater, stepping out on their husbands. They are secret-specialists too. Secret cheaters hookup easy in today’s world. Hit-and-run sex is not a taboo thing.
Swabs of Ms Redhead’s body will be taken, but guess what? She doesn’t know me — and I’m not in the system for police to find! No one has recorded my DNA profile. A genetic link won’t be found. I’m free to follow my dream and get me a throat or two.
Sex and throats. That’s all I need to live my life. That’s the reward I give to myself for controlling my inner throughout my childhood. As long as I continue to behave like a proper Mr Average, I’m free. The possessive, jealous, ex-husbands will go away for the crimes. Police always suspect them. The community hates possessive, jealous men and are too happy to see them go away.
My wife bought me a new hobby drill this week. She’s wonderful. I love her so much. I’ll use my gift to turn the redhead’s SIM card into a charm for her teddy bear’s bracelet. This one will become a seahorse. She hasn’t got one of those yet.
Yes, those of us who get caught are shortsighted fools. It’s the smart ones who have distilled and cultivated their hate from their earliest times who’ll remain safe and free into adulthood. We’ll stay hidden within our communities, looking like model citizens while committing murders to please and delight our inner-needs.
Originally published at https://michaelformanevil.substack.com.