The Catholic And Not-So Abstinent Church

Michael Forman
4 min readMar 29, 2022


Hookers and the occasional swipe-right for the Clergy. The celibate Church is not as celibate as might think.

The Church has always had a weirdly obsessive grip on society’s sex life (and its own). Assuming you believe in the abstinence of the Catholic Church, this authority counsels parishioners on many things, including, can you believe it, sex. Strange. That’s like a coach training players to win a game he’s never played and won’t play. How have we accepted this arrangement for so long? Do we just want to be blind? It’s no wonder we’re shocked when a Priest is caught raping a child.

This child sex abuse thing is only the tip of the iceberg — and it just happens to be the one we identify with most because it’s appearing in the news so often. Don’t think for a moment that their sex is confined to minors. They’re the only ones we hear about. We don’t know about the rest of their exploits because they’re not newsworthy. Priests sleep with hookers, parishioners’ wives, each other, and anyone else. Sex is as prevalent behind the robes as it is anywhere else. We need to open our eyes. The Church is NOT celibate and, most likely, never has been.

In the earlier days of the Church, celibacy wasn’t practised — a time when Popes, Priests, and all Clergy could marry anyone.

Say what?

Oh yes, thirty-nine Popes were married (women were Priests too) and could bonk their brains out, even before they held Mass. And then one anti-social, asexual Pope was voted in and changed it all.

“You’re married to God now, “ he said.

This decision simultaneously turned sexual abstinence into doctrine and an outright lie. If Clergy wanted to get laid, they had to sneak around to do it. This initial change didn’t turn into an atrocity-sized issue immediately. At first, I imagine that it was just a bit of bed jumping and hallway giggles after sunset. The new decree took its time to work its evil into the generations that followed.

Laypeople soon went searching for answers about their sexual inadequacies, fears, guilts and doubts. They liked the idea of a home for the awkward ones. Church rescued them from the pain of sex by excluding it. The Church then became a perfect environment to nourish generations of frustrated, confused men (women too).

Priests fucking children? Well, there’s no surprise there! Those poor, frustrated and confused men still needed it, no matter what promises they made to God.

‘It’ll only be one time.’

‘God will forgive me.’

‘No one will believe a child’s word over a man of God, right?’

We can’t stay shocked. It makes us look foolish, pretending that we don’t know anything and can’t change things. Let’s get it straight, we know. It’s a Church full of sexually active men (and women) and that’s that. It can be changed. They changed it once, it can be changed again!

The Catholic Church (and others) isn’t celibate. It simply likes using the word. It makes itself sound important. Celibacy is safe advice. It’s like a pause button or an off switch. No sex is better than a bad sexual outcome. Church is off the hook by saying ‘no’. Meanwhile, back in the Presbytery, our resident Priest swipes right, looking for his next hot Tinder date — thank God he’s going for a consenting adult and not a vulnerable child, right?

I’m not anti-Church. I’m anti-celibacy for the Church. I like sex. You probably like it too. I applaud the Tinder Priest for doing the right thing. I don’t applaud Church for making him tell us that he’s a celibate man and then have us believe that he ‘s an authority in good sexual advice — and I absolutely hate any church protecting its paedophiles.

What’s also wrong is to force a vulnerable younger man take an unreasonable vow of chastity and then expect him to honour it for the rest of his life. This is sexual abuse too. And any form of abuse can easily turn any abused into an abuser, right? Abuse has consequences. The Church abused its men. They then abused the community.

The largest Churches in the world are now confronted with the reality of what celibacy has done to them and their people. The community has lost faith in Church because of this one ridiculous, nonsensical rule about what its Clergy (and us) should or shouldn’t be doing in the bedroom. They should revert to the previous rule and let all of them (and us) have the opportunity to engage in sex when and with whom we want.

In my novel SEETHINGS, I examine how much the celibacy rule has negatively affected modern marriage — the Church’s tendrils extending deep into the bedrooms of good Christians.


‘Forman’s writing style is artful, with the protagonist Mitchell’s warped thought processes masterfully exposed. The author has a powerful and vivid command of language and his word pictures are stark and disturbingly real.’

Linda J Bettenay, author of ‘Secrets Mothers Keep’ and ‘Wishes For Starlight

Originally published at on March 29, 2022.



Michael Forman

Dark, sexy, deadly fiction. Blogger and Podcaster. Posts are less than 4mins. Homesite: